Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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