Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
