update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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