her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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