Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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