Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
