Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
