Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
