goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
