Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
