I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
