Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
