party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
