So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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