Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
