dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
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