Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
