Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
