I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
