3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Non-Jews are for practice
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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