just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
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