the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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