My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
