dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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