The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
