fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
