All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
