she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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