I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
