They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
