I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
