Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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