She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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