Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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