there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Randomize
