She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
