Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
