Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
