Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
