I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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