we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
