He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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