matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
