im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
