Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
