uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
