She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
