I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
