well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
