I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
