Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
