We named our party play list daddy issues
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
