rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
