Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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