corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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