I want to stick my p in your. b.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
