By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
